Day 61: Paradox (1.14.11)

~It is a paradox of life that the way to miss pleasure is to seek it first.  The very first condition of lasting happiness is that a life should be full of purpose, aiming at something outside self~ Hugo Black 

I graduated from the day program at River Ridge Treatment Center in Burnsville that morning and felt happy, but sad.  I cried a little in group about my dysfunctional family not being fully present for many moments in my life and stealing the joy away from accomplishments.  Usually, I attempt to be stoic and not allow anyone including them to think that it bothers me.  No one from my family offered congratulations or words of encouragement on my grad day, but that's not unusual and I won't allow them to abduct my happiness and peace anymore.  For many years, my friends have been my family and know me better than most of my family members.  My friends took me out to dinner, brought me flowers and helped make my graduation day special.  I've developed intimate connections with many friends because we choose to share who we are and love each other unconditionally.  It's a blessing for me to finally be able to establish healthy boundaries with people and choose positive relationships in my life.

I received a gold colored medallion with the Serenity Prayer engraved on it from the group and each of the 15 women said something positive about their hopes for me.  Some told me that they appreciated my excitement for life and recognized the beauty that I saw in everything.  Others said that they anticipated an exciting and amazing journey for me with many adventures awaiting and that I could soberly bring the glitz and glamour to parties in the future.  They also appreciated my positivity and lifting the morale of the group.  I was very grateful for their sweet sentiments.  I commented that each one of them was put in my life for a reason and I thanked them for changing my life especially the counseling staff.  I also finally gave myself credit for saving my own life; not Prince Charming.

All of the women received a handout called The Paradox of Addiction.

We used for happiness and became unhappy.

We used for joy and became miserable.

We used for sophistication and became obnoxious.

We used for friendship and made enemies.

We used for sleep and woke up without rest.

We used for strength and felt weak.

We used medicinally and acquired health problems.

We used to relax and got anxiety.

We used for bravery and became afraid.

We used to make conversation and slurred our speech.

We used to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.

We used to forget and were forever haunted.

We used for freedom and became slaves.

We used to erase problems and saw them multiply.

We used to cope with life and invited death.