~A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing~ Elizabeth I
**Names have been changed**
This morning, I was supposed to graduate from inpatient and outpatient treatment programs at the Burnsville location and later in the night, start programming in Minnetonka. I slept most of the weekend in hopes of feeling better for graduation day, but I still felt incredibly cruddy. I called in sick about an hour before group and talked to Lydia, the Director of the house that I stayed at for inpatient. Lydia is a recovering alcoholic who's lived an amazing life and has a huge heart, but I always knew from the moment that I met her, that I didn't want to get on her bad side. At about 5' 2", she was still an intimidating presence. She had a tough love attitude and in this type of work, you need someone like that to take charge and set people straight. She wasn't afraid to challenge any of us on our beliefs or actions which sometimes was tough to digest. Since she's been down a similar road, I trusted her insights and experiences. She implemented the woman's recovery program at River Ridge about 5 years ago. In the past, she spent 12 years in the Army and fought in their Special Operations Unit during Desert Storm, she was also a teacher in a school district and managed to raise 7 children as well. She now has 15 grandchildren. I think she's in her mid-50's, but I told her once that I thought she should be 100 with all her life experiences. She agreed with that assessment.
She answered the phone at the house and of course, her job is to be a little suspicious since it was after all, New Year's Eve weekend and I've only been living on the outside for a short time. She's not really the motherly or grandmotherly type to us girls (she always called us ladies), but that wasn't her role to be the comforter. She was strict and us girls at the house used the code word "Bonnie" when talking about her when she was in the perimeter. There were other staff who were more approachable, but Lydia did her job very well. She was there to help us do our lives differently and hold us accountable. I could tell that she was thinking of all the different possibilities and scenarios of my action and finally, she told me that I needed to get an Urinalysis or UA done today which meant peeing in a cup; something I'm now an expert in. I agreed to do it and see a doctor before we said goodbye. No sympathetic comments like I hope you feel better during the conversation, but again, that's not Lydia's role to comfort me and I respect her for that.
The next call was from my counselor Rachel who sounded annoyed when she left a message on my cell saying that I had been suspended from programming until I met with her at the office to figure out what was going on. Usually, after hearing a message like that, I would freak out, but in my weakened state due to illness and attempts at being a less reactive person, I calmly called back and told her that I was just sick and would be providing the UA and seeing a doctor later that day. She sounded less anxious by the end of our short conversation and we agreed to meet the next morning. I guess anytime someone misses any programming, they suspend the person until further notice. Since I was ill and later found out that I had bronchitis, I was fine with being suspended for the day as harsh as it sounded. I would work on getting unsuspended and unsick. I was looking forward to clearing my name by bringing in the doctor's note and depositing clean pee. Oh, the glamorous life of a recovering addict. The joy of guilty until proven innocent, but that's okay. I don't have anything to hide this time and it feels really good.
**Names have been changed**
This morning, I was supposed to graduate from inpatient and outpatient treatment programs at the Burnsville location and later in the night, start programming in Minnetonka. I slept most of the weekend in hopes of feeling better for graduation day, but I still felt incredibly cruddy. I called in sick about an hour before group and talked to Lydia, the Director of the house that I stayed at for inpatient. Lydia is a recovering alcoholic who's lived an amazing life and has a huge heart, but I always knew from the moment that I met her, that I didn't want to get on her bad side. At about 5' 2", she was still an intimidating presence. She had a tough love attitude and in this type of work, you need someone like that to take charge and set people straight. She wasn't afraid to challenge any of us on our beliefs or actions which sometimes was tough to digest. Since she's been down a similar road, I trusted her insights and experiences. She implemented the woman's recovery program at River Ridge about 5 years ago. In the past, she spent 12 years in the Army and fought in their Special Operations Unit during Desert Storm, she was also a teacher in a school district and managed to raise 7 children as well. She now has 15 grandchildren. I think she's in her mid-50's, but I told her once that I thought she should be 100 with all her life experiences. She agreed with that assessment.
She answered the phone at the house and of course, her job is to be a little suspicious since it was after all, New Year's Eve weekend and I've only been living on the outside for a short time. She's not really the motherly or grandmotherly type to us girls (she always called us ladies), but that wasn't her role to be the comforter. She was strict and us girls at the house used the code word "Bonnie" when talking about her when she was in the perimeter. There were other staff who were more approachable, but Lydia did her job very well. She was there to help us do our lives differently and hold us accountable. I could tell that she was thinking of all the different possibilities and scenarios of my action and finally, she told me that I needed to get an Urinalysis or UA done today which meant peeing in a cup; something I'm now an expert in. I agreed to do it and see a doctor before we said goodbye. No sympathetic comments like I hope you feel better during the conversation, but again, that's not Lydia's role to comfort me and I respect her for that.
The next call was from my counselor Rachel who sounded annoyed when she left a message on my cell saying that I had been suspended from programming until I met with her at the office to figure out what was going on. Usually, after hearing a message like that, I would freak out, but in my weakened state due to illness and attempts at being a less reactive person, I calmly called back and told her that I was just sick and would be providing the UA and seeing a doctor later that day. She sounded less anxious by the end of our short conversation and we agreed to meet the next morning. I guess anytime someone misses any programming, they suspend the person until further notice. Since I was ill and later found out that I had bronchitis, I was fine with being suspended for the day as harsh as it sounded. I would work on getting unsuspended and unsick. I was looking forward to clearing my name by bringing in the doctor's note and depositing clean pee. Oh, the glamorous life of a recovering addict. The joy of guilty until proven innocent, but that's okay. I don't have anything to hide this time and it feels really good.
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