~Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things - with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope~ Corazon Aquino
The snow storm swirled through Monday evening rush hour which caused my bus to be delayed almost an hour. I waited inside a building next to a bar. In the past, I would have happily downed a couple classes of wine while waiting, but it's no longer an option if I want to live. Since I've returned to work, I've been experiencing more cravings. It usually starts around 3:00ish because in the past, that's when I started anticipating happy hours.
To help prevent me from using while in early recovery, I've filled my life with a lot of alternative things to do; outpatient treatment, therapy, AA, Celebrate Recovery, church classes and groups, volunteering, working out, etc. I know for sure that if I started drinking again, I would not be able to stop. During rehab, I learned at a Brain Chemistry lecture that our brains remember where we left off in our addiction to alcohol and drugs. If I relapse, I would go back to where I left off; drinking until I blacked out. Since it's a progressive disease, I could no longer have just a couple glasses of wine and feel satisfied like I could years ago, but instead, I would return to drinking a couple bottles to fill an insatiable void. The thought of returning back to this insane storm of my own creation helps keep me sober.
Peaceful nights are sometimes luxuries in a hurried city. Everyone seemed to be hibernating, so there was little commotion as I walked home that night after parking my car. The wind had died down and it felt warmer as the large snow drifts acted as insulation. The after effects of the storm were beautiful. I hadn't noticed in a very long time how glittery snow was under the city lights. In my old life, I'd most likely be stumbling home from happy hours. That night though, I was entranced by what seemed to be fireflies caged in the snowbank. It was so sparkly and of course, as I was taking it all in, I biffed on the ice and landed flat on my knees. However, it was nice to finally stumble because of calm enjoyment rather than drunken misery.
The snow storm swirled through Monday evening rush hour which caused my bus to be delayed almost an hour. I waited inside a building next to a bar. In the past, I would have happily downed a couple classes of wine while waiting, but it's no longer an option if I want to live. Since I've returned to work, I've been experiencing more cravings. It usually starts around 3:00ish because in the past, that's when I started anticipating happy hours.
To help prevent me from using while in early recovery, I've filled my life with a lot of alternative things to do; outpatient treatment, therapy, AA, Celebrate Recovery, church classes and groups, volunteering, working out, etc. I know for sure that if I started drinking again, I would not be able to stop. During rehab, I learned at a Brain Chemistry lecture that our brains remember where we left off in our addiction to alcohol and drugs. If I relapse, I would go back to where I left off; drinking until I blacked out. Since it's a progressive disease, I could no longer have just a couple glasses of wine and feel satisfied like I could years ago, but instead, I would return to drinking a couple bottles to fill an insatiable void. The thought of returning back to this insane storm of my own creation helps keep me sober.
Peaceful nights are sometimes luxuries in a hurried city. Everyone seemed to be hibernating, so there was little commotion as I walked home that night after parking my car. The wind had died down and it felt warmer as the large snow drifts acted as insulation. The after effects of the storm were beautiful. I hadn't noticed in a very long time how glittery snow was under the city lights. In my old life, I'd most likely be stumbling home from happy hours. That night though, I was entranced by what seemed to be fireflies caged in the snowbank. It was so sparkly and of course, as I was taking it all in, I biffed on the ice and landed flat on my knees. However, it was nice to finally stumble because of calm enjoyment rather than drunken misery.
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