~We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone~ Ronald Reagan
Last Saturday morning, God saw the ditz that I am again. He usually doesn't intervene when it pertains to my flakiness because I'm sure He hopes that I learn something. Today, I forced myself to practice asking for help as that can still be a struggle sometimes. In the process of asking for help, I met my neighbors. I'm usually really bad about getting to know people who live in my vicinity. I usually rely on them to strike up a conversation. At heart, I'm a pretty shy introvert. I miss the liquid courage sometimes.
I was feeling down and teared up a little that morning, so I decided to head to the gym for a hit of endorphins. It was about 9:30 am and I hopped in my car. After multiple days of the window washer light flashing, I decided to finally quench it quick. My driver's door was open and the car was running. I hit the button again to unlock the backseat doors where the washer fluid sat and then I slammed my driver's door shut. Ugh, wrong button! As my car was running, I imagined dollar bills evaporating from the exhaust. I had just spent about $60 at the pump. Of course, my house keys were attached to the car keys that were stuck in the ignition and my cell rested on the passenger seat. My spare key for the car sat helplessly on my dresser inside my room.
Some of my friends know me as the Asian girl with imaginary blond roots. I lived up to that reputation as I tried opening my front and back doors like they were going to magically unlock. I tried not to freak out as I walked back inside my building and tried unsuccessfully to supernaturally unlock the front door to my place. I walked back outside and paced a bit; looking around to see if anyone was observing this embarrassing entertainment. I used to lock my keys in the car all the time in high school and college. Clickers remedied the issue until that day.
I decided to walk back in my building and head to the condo upstairs from us where a couple of women live. Their door was slightly open, so I knocked a few times. A nice Asian gal answered who was probably about my age. I told her about my dumbness and she graciously let me use her phone to call roadside assistance. I'm a big advocate of roadside assistance as it has more than paid for itself for nerds like me. Soon after, her partner walked in after taking their sweet, old dog for a walk. They kindly spent time searching and locating a lockbox with spare keys for all the condos except for my slumlord's. Oh well, it allowed me time to get to know them better and took my mind off my own issues for a bit. I sat for about a half an hour chatting with them about their baby who was due next month. There was baby stuff scattered about from a shower their friends threw them the night before. We talked about morning sickness and all the things they were trying to accomplish before their baby's birthday.
They were so lovely and generous. It made me feel good to talk to people after feeling crappy earlier. Besides laughter being the best medicine, I think just being around people is the next best drug for me. When the lock guy arrived from roadside assistance, we chatted about the car dealership that his dad worked at for 37 years in Minneapolis and his experiences growing up as he and his friends got to drive cars around to different dealerships. We talked about his kids and his valuable lockout equipment that comes with a manual on how to unlock every car on the market. When I used to lock myself out a lot, they used to have to dig around inside the window to unlock my car. I don't know if techmology has changed since college, but now they just used some pump mechanism to prop the door open just enough, so that some contraption could then open the window. Nice.
After the excitement from the morning, I came home from working out and took a nap for a few hours. During my nap, I had a pretty intense using dream. I haven't had once since right after leaving rehab. It wasn't apparent what I had even drank in the dream, but I felt intoxicated and paralyzed. I kept struggling to move. The dream was so vivid that I woke feeling guilty and wondered if I had really used. I could have been anticipating my friends' party later that night as I was feeling slightly nervous. I had partied hard in the past with some of these guys.
My friends whom I saw that night were like a family to me when we all worked together about 5 years ago. We had the best time working and playing together and after daily observations of how they all interacted together, I learned what it meant to be a true friend. It was nice actually, to go to the party and hear them say that I sounded and looked great rather than hear them express worry and concern. I noticed that I laughed more sober than I did drunk and again, I liked being able to remember everything. In the last few years, I would hit a wall when I drank. I would feel high and happy at the beginning, but then after a few drinks, I'd get pretty quiet and depressed.
My nervousness quickly dissipated at the party and my friends made me feel really comfortable. One of the hosts said that if I didn't like any of the pop or other drinks, he would run to the store and get me whatever I wanted. They were so sweet and I didn't feel like an outcast as I had so feared prior to getting sober.
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