~Courage is being scared to death...and saddling up anyway~ John Wayne
It was graduation #2. This time, from the 12-week outpatient program. Next week, I would be moving on to the final phase by joining a 6-week course. I should know what each is called, but I don't remember their long names. Basically, it's ongoing care and relapse prevention classes. Every 6 weeks at the treatment center, they invite a local AA group to hold a meeting during part of our group time. It gives newer clients the opportunity to be exposed to a meeting without the pressure of having to participate. During the meeting, I kept wiping away tears listening to people's stories. It was exactly four months ago that I had entered rehab on Thanksgiving Eve. I was emotional thinking about the journey so far.
I felt so blessed and grateful during my graduation. The ladies said some really beautiful things to me and I was so touched. I felt more real and connected, so hopefully, my counselors were proud. I was authentic and became weepy again which was a different experience than the last graduation at inpatient treatment. I felt overconfident or maybe even a little cocky before. I was naive on what to expect from this recovery thing. I felt smarter than some of the girls who had relapsed. Now that I had been out in the real world for a couple months and back at work for about a month, I realized the difficulty and all the effort involved in remaining sober when new to recovery. My other counselors at inpatient would be proud as I've avoided most using environments including happy hours. I felt vulnerable, so I stayed away. I'm just like everyone else who struggles with managing sobriety.
After accepting my medallion, I started crying and my voice went up 3 ugly octaves. I was honest with the women and told them that I was scared which was probably a healthy state this time around. I still have cravings often, but feeling scared connects me to the chaos of the past and prevents me from using at this point. I need to remember that alcoholism is also known as the disease of forgetfulness when one becomes too comfortable. I finished by saying that when I'm an old woman, I'll remember treatment as a very precious time in my life. It saved me. I thanked the ladies and told them that I loved them all and would never forget them.
It was graduation #2. This time, from the 12-week outpatient program. Next week, I would be moving on to the final phase by joining a 6-week course. I should know what each is called, but I don't remember their long names. Basically, it's ongoing care and relapse prevention classes. Every 6 weeks at the treatment center, they invite a local AA group to hold a meeting during part of our group time. It gives newer clients the opportunity to be exposed to a meeting without the pressure of having to participate. During the meeting, I kept wiping away tears listening to people's stories. It was exactly four months ago that I had entered rehab on Thanksgiving Eve. I was emotional thinking about the journey so far.
I felt so blessed and grateful during my graduation. The ladies said some really beautiful things to me and I was so touched. I felt more real and connected, so hopefully, my counselors were proud. I was authentic and became weepy again which was a different experience than the last graduation at inpatient treatment. I felt overconfident or maybe even a little cocky before. I was naive on what to expect from this recovery thing. I felt smarter than some of the girls who had relapsed. Now that I had been out in the real world for a couple months and back at work for about a month, I realized the difficulty and all the effort involved in remaining sober when new to recovery. My other counselors at inpatient would be proud as I've avoided most using environments including happy hours. I felt vulnerable, so I stayed away. I'm just like everyone else who struggles with managing sobriety.
After accepting my medallion, I started crying and my voice went up 3 ugly octaves. I was honest with the women and told them that I was scared which was probably a healthy state this time around. I still have cravings often, but feeling scared connects me to the chaos of the past and prevents me from using at this point. I need to remember that alcoholism is also known as the disease of forgetfulness when one becomes too comfortable. I finished by saying that when I'm an old woman, I'll remember treatment as a very precious time in my life. It saved me. I thanked the ladies and told them that I loved them all and would never forget them.
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