~A journey of a thousand miles must begin with one single step~ Lao Tzu
I woke up this morning and knew that I had to suck it up and do the 30 day inpatient rehab program. My mind started racing and listing all the stuff I needed to do before entering treatment tomorrow afternoon. Last night, Jennifer from River Ridge Treatment Center wrote down 3 things that she wanted me to do: 1) Call my Dr 2) Talk to work 3) Research Fairview - Lodging Plus and New Beginnings at Waverly.
Apparently, stopping cold turkey after taking 60 Xanax in 10 days was a really stupid thing for me to do a couple Sundays ago. I learned that it's one of the few drugs that if you stop cold turkey, could be fatal. I actually didn't have anymore to take, but you're supposed to taper off of it. Don't do what I did! A wonderful friend of mine called me crying last week. She said that she was at a bar talking to a doctor who said that I needed to go to the ER right away because I could have a seizure and die by cutting off that drug. It would be just my luck, too, that I finally decide to live and then, die from quitting all my prescriptions and alcohol. Again, don't do what I did! Last Monday, my Fairy Godmother said she used to do intake for people addicted to Xanax and she strongly advised me to head to the doctor if my withdrawal symptoms got worse. She also said that people have died from taking as many Xanax as I did with alcohol. Even after a week of being off Xanax, Jennifer had the detox expert talk to me to make sure that I didn't need to go to the ER right away because Xanax remains in your system for a long time, so just to reiterate, do not quit cold turkey without the advice from doctors.
I've known my nurse and doctor for about 20 years. They wanted me to see them last Monday after I told them that I ran out of Xanax, but then I cancelled the appointment and didn't call back because I was ashamed for being an alcoholic and not being able to stop drinking while on all the medication for depression and anxiety over the past 15 years. Obviously, their trust in me had been broken now and I was embarrassed. Duh, you would think that if I wanted to be happy, that I'd just quit drinking since I've known forever that alcohol is depressent. But, when you're sick, you're not thinking logically; you're pretty much not thinking at all. As long as you feel numb or high from prescriptions, alcohol, attention from men, etc, then everything is fine. This afternoon, I finally got a hold of the nurse who had been "stalking" me for a week because her and my doctor were concerned. She said that she was so happy for me for entering treatment tomorrow. I always listen to the person's tone of voice to hear what they're really saying or thinking and she did sound elated. I told her how ashamed I was and she said that it was wonderful that I've admitted the problem and am getting help. I'll be meeting with a psychiatrist next week in treatment and if they decide I need to be put on anything, I will follow their advice, but right now, I'm feeling okay.
I'm fortunate enough that I can take a paid leave of absence from work. I wish everyone could if they needed time to get well. I'm also very lucky that I have supportive co-workers and manager. My co-worker graciously said today that whatever I needed, the team would help out and my manager said there were a lot of people there rooting for me. That meant so much and I was so appreciative and thankful. There was a point before I came out that I thought I might be fired, but then I concluded that I didn't want to work for a company or anyone that didn't support people who had the desire to improve their lives by getting healthy and wanting to help others in the process. I haven't heard one negative comment; only love and support.
Jennifer said that she was biased since she worked for River Ridge, so she wanted me to do my own research to find the perfect treatment for me and that's why she suggested researching those other facilities. However, my instincts told me that River Ridge was the one, so I didn't even research the others. The program was developed by women, for women and is staffed by women. There are licensed alcohol and drug counselors, a medical director, psychologist, nurse, dietitian and trained medical assistants on staff 24/7. Jennifer said they feed you really well there, too. I may never leave! I check-in at the Burnsville office tomorrow afternoon and then they'll take me to wherever the residential home is which is supposed to be next to a beautiful park, lake and walking paths.
It costs about $23,000 for this treatment and thankfully, my health insurance covers 90%, so it'll end up costing me about $2300 and Jennifer said that I don't need to show up at the door with money in hand; they have very flexible repayment plans. Whew! Many people are obviously not as fortunate to make this happen. My Fairy Godmother said that I deserved the best treatment and highly recommended this place. I think we all deserve the best treatment and would love to figure out a way to raise money for other women to receive the perfect treatment for themselves, too, but first, I have to fix myself.
Everything seems to be falling into place to do this now. I read my first post back in January and chuckled because little did I know that I'd be entering rehab at the end of the year. I thought my only problem at the time was that I wasn't raising my own family like almost everyone else my age. Sobriety is a lifelong committment for me and I know that 30 days is just the beginning. There's no cure for alcoholism, but thankfully it's a treatable disease. You just have to take the first step and ask for help. I'm now going to practice writing my ABC's as I am not allowed to bring my laptop, so I'll have to write in an old-fashioned, non-electronic notebook. What's it called? Paper?
I woke up this morning and knew that I had to suck it up and do the 30 day inpatient rehab program. My mind started racing and listing all the stuff I needed to do before entering treatment tomorrow afternoon. Last night, Jennifer from River Ridge Treatment Center wrote down 3 things that she wanted me to do: 1) Call my Dr 2) Talk to work 3) Research Fairview - Lodging Plus and New Beginnings at Waverly.
Apparently, stopping cold turkey after taking 60 Xanax in 10 days was a really stupid thing for me to do a couple Sundays ago. I learned that it's one of the few drugs that if you stop cold turkey, could be fatal. I actually didn't have anymore to take, but you're supposed to taper off of it. Don't do what I did! A wonderful friend of mine called me crying last week. She said that she was at a bar talking to a doctor who said that I needed to go to the ER right away because I could have a seizure and die by cutting off that drug. It would be just my luck, too, that I finally decide to live and then, die from quitting all my prescriptions and alcohol. Again, don't do what I did! Last Monday, my Fairy Godmother said she used to do intake for people addicted to Xanax and she strongly advised me to head to the doctor if my withdrawal symptoms got worse. She also said that people have died from taking as many Xanax as I did with alcohol. Even after a week of being off Xanax, Jennifer had the detox expert talk to me to make sure that I didn't need to go to the ER right away because Xanax remains in your system for a long time, so just to reiterate, do not quit cold turkey without the advice from doctors.
I've known my nurse and doctor for about 20 years. They wanted me to see them last Monday after I told them that I ran out of Xanax, but then I cancelled the appointment and didn't call back because I was ashamed for being an alcoholic and not being able to stop drinking while on all the medication for depression and anxiety over the past 15 years. Obviously, their trust in me had been broken now and I was embarrassed. Duh, you would think that if I wanted to be happy, that I'd just quit drinking since I've known forever that alcohol is depressent. But, when you're sick, you're not thinking logically; you're pretty much not thinking at all. As long as you feel numb or high from prescriptions, alcohol, attention from men, etc, then everything is fine. This afternoon, I finally got a hold of the nurse who had been "stalking" me for a week because her and my doctor were concerned. She said that she was so happy for me for entering treatment tomorrow. I always listen to the person's tone of voice to hear what they're really saying or thinking and she did sound elated. I told her how ashamed I was and she said that it was wonderful that I've admitted the problem and am getting help. I'll be meeting with a psychiatrist next week in treatment and if they decide I need to be put on anything, I will follow their advice, but right now, I'm feeling okay.
I'm fortunate enough that I can take a paid leave of absence from work. I wish everyone could if they needed time to get well. I'm also very lucky that I have supportive co-workers and manager. My co-worker graciously said today that whatever I needed, the team would help out and my manager said there were a lot of people there rooting for me. That meant so much and I was so appreciative and thankful. There was a point before I came out that I thought I might be fired, but then I concluded that I didn't want to work for a company or anyone that didn't support people who had the desire to improve their lives by getting healthy and wanting to help others in the process. I haven't heard one negative comment; only love and support.
Jennifer said that she was biased since she worked for River Ridge, so she wanted me to do my own research to find the perfect treatment for me and that's why she suggested researching those other facilities. However, my instincts told me that River Ridge was the one, so I didn't even research the others. The program was developed by women, for women and is staffed by women. There are licensed alcohol and drug counselors, a medical director, psychologist, nurse, dietitian and trained medical assistants on staff 24/7. Jennifer said they feed you really well there, too. I may never leave! I check-in at the Burnsville office tomorrow afternoon and then they'll take me to wherever the residential home is which is supposed to be next to a beautiful park, lake and walking paths.
It costs about $23,000 for this treatment and thankfully, my health insurance covers 90%, so it'll end up costing me about $2300 and Jennifer said that I don't need to show up at the door with money in hand; they have very flexible repayment plans. Whew! Many people are obviously not as fortunate to make this happen. My Fairy Godmother said that I deserved the best treatment and highly recommended this place. I think we all deserve the best treatment and would love to figure out a way to raise money for other women to receive the perfect treatment for themselves, too, but first, I have to fix myself.
Everything seems to be falling into place to do this now. I read my first post back in January and chuckled because little did I know that I'd be entering rehab at the end of the year. I thought my only problem at the time was that I wasn't raising my own family like almost everyone else my age. Sobriety is a lifelong committment for me and I know that 30 days is just the beginning. There's no cure for alcoholism, but thankfully it's a treatable disease. You just have to take the first step and ask for help. I'm now going to practice writing my ABC's as I am not allowed to bring my laptop, so I'll have to write in an old-fashioned, non-electronic notebook. What's it called? Paper?
2 comments:
Can't wait to read day 40! Goood luck - you have my thoughts and support!
you already have half the battle done .just making the move to get help. i have been sobber 28 yrs.the first step is the hardest. 2nd is how meny friends try to get you back.[.so called friends].i dont have the friends i yous to have. now i have possitive friends.the only thing the sucks is now you take resposibelty for you actions. which is perty cool. keep a positive attiud. smile be happy its the first day of your life.god loves you and so do i.
Post a Comment