~If you nurture your mind, body, and spirit, your time will expand. You will gain a new perspective that will allow you to accomplish much more~ Brian Koslow
Note: I started writing this last night when I soberly got home from a dinner and birthday party at midnight, but fell asleep for 9 whole hours! I feel groggy, but refreshed this morning...
I didn't sleep at all last night. I had a Diet Coke for lunch and one at happy hour, so I guess I need to monitor my caffeine intake, too. OMG, I feel like I'm 33 going on 80 discussing caffeine issues. This morning, I had another relaxing Reiki session. At one point, it felt like she had 3 hands touching me. I read that it's common to sometimes experience a "phantom" hand. There were more whooshes of white, tingly light that flowed through me like a loud train passing through a tunnel. It made me feel a little anxious at first because I wasn't used to this kind of pleasure. It was a pretty trippy natural high and feels so much better than being prescription drugged out. Sobriety is a new feeling, too, that's also kind of scary. The concept of doing this forever is still sinking in, but overall, I'm feeling lighter and more positive every day.
After years of running away from my problems, hating myself and wanting to die, I finally took myself out on a "date" this afternoon to get to get to know Me better now that I've chosen to live. I need to reconnect my mind, body and spirit in healthy ways rather than connecting them through the lies and manipulation when I abused alcohol and prescription drugs. I imagine my body, mind and spirit each as girlfriends that need to be best friends who forgive and love each other again. Goofy, I know, but necessary for me to visualize and plan next steps to fix these gals. It was 27 degrees out, but sunny and I love walking around the lakes in Minneapolis. First stop on our date was to GiGi's Cafe for a Hazelnut Latte and then a walk around Lake Harriet. Afterwards, we went shopping in Uptown and continued to talk about our life; trying to put the puzzle pieces together.
Last stop, one of my favorite grocery stores Kowalski's in Uptown to pick up bananas, pineapples and apple juice to create a smoothie for my natural powder supplement that's supposed to help out with detox. I picked up the bananas and pineapple and then, we found ourselves nerdily, going from aisle to aisle looking for cute boys; not to hit on, but just to look at for a minute. I've never done that before. Am I subconsciously missing seeing cute boys at the bar? First off, we head to the meat aisle behind our uber cute, small double-decker cart. There has to be some manly men there, but no, we found only disappointment in meats as there were only bald guys in their 60's, but then again, I was talking earlier about monitoring my caffeine intake. We continue towards dairy. Oooh, there's a cute boy walking out of the bathroom. We swing around the non-alcoholic sparkling wines that we'll likely be drinking at New Year's only to see him wrap his big arms around his girlfriend and smooch her on the head. Of course, he'd have a GF. The hunt continues. We walk down the cheese aisle and spot a couple at the deli counter. They look like brothers, no rings; one tall and one short. My body took the tall one, my mind took the short one and my spirit just laughed.
Soon the tall and the short one left and there was no one left to stalk, so off to the juice aisle to pick up my last item. That was way too nerdy even for me, but it was fun to be goofy for a bit even by myself. When I was going through tough times, I never wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I always surrounded myself with people and kept very busy. I didn't want to hear from my mind, body or spirit. I've noticed that this week, I've been constantly thinking about all the past events and reexamining them for understanding and closure. I feel like I'm getting to know Me again as I try to soberly reconnect my mind, body and spirit. My goal is to eventually love Me.
Note: I started writing this last night when I soberly got home from a dinner and birthday party at midnight, but fell asleep for 9 whole hours! I feel groggy, but refreshed this morning...
I didn't sleep at all last night. I had a Diet Coke for lunch and one at happy hour, so I guess I need to monitor my caffeine intake, too. OMG, I feel like I'm 33 going on 80 discussing caffeine issues. This morning, I had another relaxing Reiki session. At one point, it felt like she had 3 hands touching me. I read that it's common to sometimes experience a "phantom" hand. There were more whooshes of white, tingly light that flowed through me like a loud train passing through a tunnel. It made me feel a little anxious at first because I wasn't used to this kind of pleasure. It was a pretty trippy natural high and feels so much better than being prescription drugged out. Sobriety is a new feeling, too, that's also kind of scary. The concept of doing this forever is still sinking in, but overall, I'm feeling lighter and more positive every day.
After years of running away from my problems, hating myself and wanting to die, I finally took myself out on a "date" this afternoon to get to get to know Me better now that I've chosen to live. I need to reconnect my mind, body and spirit in healthy ways rather than connecting them through the lies and manipulation when I abused alcohol and prescription drugs. I imagine my body, mind and spirit each as girlfriends that need to be best friends who forgive and love each other again. Goofy, I know, but necessary for me to visualize and plan next steps to fix these gals. It was 27 degrees out, but sunny and I love walking around the lakes in Minneapolis. First stop on our date was to GiGi's Cafe for a Hazelnut Latte and then a walk around Lake Harriet. Afterwards, we went shopping in Uptown and continued to talk about our life; trying to put the puzzle pieces together.
Last stop, one of my favorite grocery stores Kowalski's in Uptown to pick up bananas, pineapples and apple juice to create a smoothie for my natural powder supplement that's supposed to help out with detox. I picked up the bananas and pineapple and then, we found ourselves nerdily, going from aisle to aisle looking for cute boys; not to hit on, but just to look at for a minute. I've never done that before. Am I subconsciously missing seeing cute boys at the bar? First off, we head to the meat aisle behind our uber cute, small double-decker cart. There has to be some manly men there, but no, we found only disappointment in meats as there were only bald guys in their 60's, but then again, I was talking earlier about monitoring my caffeine intake. We continue towards dairy. Oooh, there's a cute boy walking out of the bathroom. We swing around the non-alcoholic sparkling wines that we'll likely be drinking at New Year's only to see him wrap his big arms around his girlfriend and smooch her on the head. Of course, he'd have a GF. The hunt continues. We walk down the cheese aisle and spot a couple at the deli counter. They look like brothers, no rings; one tall and one short. My body took the tall one, my mind took the short one and my spirit just laughed.
Soon the tall and the short one left and there was no one left to stalk, so off to the juice aisle to pick up my last item. That was way too nerdy even for me, but it was fun to be goofy for a bit even by myself. When I was going through tough times, I never wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I always surrounded myself with people and kept very busy. I didn't want to hear from my mind, body or spirit. I've noticed that this week, I've been constantly thinking about all the past events and reexamining them for understanding and closure. I feel like I'm getting to know Me again as I try to soberly reconnect my mind, body and spirit. My goal is to eventually love Me.
2 comments:
As always, wonderful to read about your progress. Glad to hear you finally got to sleep.
Given how introspective your writing has been, I wanted to point out a few books that you might appreciate. Both books are by well-known author/psychologist/lawyer/psychotherapist Stanton Peele. Check them out if you have a chance and decide for yourself. "The Truth About Addiction and Recovery" and "7 Tools to Beat Addiction".
Good luck!
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