~Shining through tears, like April suns in showers, that labour to overcome the clouds that loads 'em~ Thomas Otway
April brought showers of tears. It was one of the toughest months of my life. I wanted the instant gratification of feeling nothing. Anything was better than experiencing pain, rejection, hurt, disappointment, sadness, fear, anger and all those other horrible feelings associated with divorce. To my dismay at times, sobriety continually forces feelings to surface; no more drowning sorrows in a glass of alcohol mixed with temporary euphoria.
April brought showers of tears. It was one of the toughest months of my life. I wanted the instant gratification of feeling nothing. Anything was better than experiencing pain, rejection, hurt, disappointment, sadness, fear, anger and all those other horrible feelings associated with divorce. To my dismay at times, sobriety continually forces feelings to surface; no more drowning sorrows in a glass of alcohol mixed with temporary euphoria.
That Friday, I arrived early at work for an 8:00 meeting. I'm a huge non-fan of early mornings especially when these involve meetings. Luckily, I work with some people who make me laugh, so it makes it a little more tolerable. After work, I headed to the gym for personal training. I've never been injured seriously until my car accident, so training through an injury is tough and frustrating. It takes a lot of patience as I build back my mobility, but unfortunately, patience is not one of my strengths. I'm glad training is only a half an hour. I followed up the session with an hour on the joint-friendly elliptical machine.
Afterwards, I went to Starbucks on Excelsior and Grand and blogged. I started experimenting with teas as I attempted to reduce my hazelnut latte consumption, so I ordered a lovely, sweet and spicy, vanilla rooibos tea. After writing for an hour or so, I felt ambitious. I went back to they gym and ran for 35 minutes and burned 250 calories. As another replacement for coffee and lattes, I had been indulging in more hot cocoas with whip cream, so I figured that I'd burn off one. I'm not sure why I have a fixation for milk-based coffee and cocoa products. I haven't had a plain glass of milk since about 8 years old since I don't care for the taste. I have an espresso machine that I rarely used because I think warming milk on my own seems gross, but for some reason, it tastes wonderful when a barista makes it.
Afterwards, I went to Starbucks on Excelsior and Grand and blogged. I started experimenting with teas as I attempted to reduce my hazelnut latte consumption, so I ordered a lovely, sweet and spicy, vanilla rooibos tea. After writing for an hour or so, I felt ambitious. I went back to they gym and ran for 35 minutes and burned 250 calories. As another replacement for coffee and lattes, I had been indulging in more hot cocoas with whip cream, so I figured that I'd burn off one. I'm not sure why I have a fixation for milk-based coffee and cocoa products. I haven't had a plain glass of milk since about 8 years old since I don't care for the taste. I have an espresso machine that I rarely used because I think warming milk on my own seems gross, but for some reason, it tastes wonderful when a barista makes it.
I began to feel like isolating again. After the second visit to the gym, I went to Spyhouse and wrote some more. I also saw the first rat that I had ever seen in the city. It was probably 5-15 pounds. I watched someone take a picture. I needed another break from blogging, but the only thing open besides a bar, was a grocery store. One of my favorite nerdy, but comforting things to do now is spend hours walking through the grocery aisles. It's a great escape to get lost in admiration of all the creative products and ingredients. I especially love doing this when it's not crowded, so a Friday night is ideal.
I headed over to one of my new favorite places; Whole Foods. Their produce section is a feast for the eyes with so many bright, fresh colors. I went there one time when they had run out of green peppers and I found it refreshing that they didn't have a big stockpile in back. I also respect their new animal welfare rating system which ensures animals are raised in a safe and healthy environment with no genetic engineering. I spent a couple hours there buying items for smoothies and soup. I started the month with a renewed commitment to control my eating and weight as my emotions began to feel out of control.
I headed over to one of my new favorite places; Whole Foods. Their produce section is a feast for the eyes with so many bright, fresh colors. I went there one time when they had run out of green peppers and I found it refreshing that they didn't have a big stockpile in back. I also respect their new animal welfare rating system which ensures animals are raised in a safe and healthy environment with no genetic engineering. I spent a couple hours there buying items for smoothies and soup. I started the month with a renewed commitment to control my eating and weight as my emotions began to feel out of control.
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