Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind ~ Catherine Drinker Bowen
Life and the weather have been a bit nicer in recent days, so it's difficult to go inside and revisit the last couple months. However, writing is a process that helps me let go and gain insight. It's beneficial to analyze the last couple months now that I'm outside of the cloudiness. I never knew the trauma of divorce until I went through it myself. It's so commonplace in our society that growing up, I thought little of it if a relative or friend's parents got divorced. In recent years, I've heard it described multiple times as like a death and that analogy best defines my experience as well. During this tumultuous journey, there's been excruciating physical, emotional and spiritual pain. Even though, I believe, it was the right decision for me, I have nothing good to say about divorce. It was heart-wrenching.
On that Monday, I weighed myself and gained a couple pounds. Unfortunately, I knew it wasn't muscle. My "drug" of choice became sugar; cookies, candy, hot cocoa and lattes. Ugh! I was determined to start a cleanse or 21 day fast again. My allergies were also bad that weekend or it could've been a cold or even a combo. I was stressed out while gathering information for pretrial and the anger towards my ex continued to fester. That day, I talked to lawyer #1 for my divorce and lawyer #2 for my car accident. I don't think I ever talked to a single lawyer my whole entire life and now, I'm working with two. Over the weekend, multiple people called out of the blue; my best friend from high school, another friend from high school, a friend from treatment and my auntie. God doesn't allow me to isolate for too long and I appreciated the nudges He gave people to call or write me when I was feeling extremely low. I was also very grateful to my friends and auntie who provided comfort while I experienced this chaos. I was trying my best not to numb this time around while dealing with immense grief and loss from the death of a marriage.
Life and the weather have been a bit nicer in recent days, so it's difficult to go inside and revisit the last couple months. However, writing is a process that helps me let go and gain insight. It's beneficial to analyze the last couple months now that I'm outside of the cloudiness. I never knew the trauma of divorce until I went through it myself. It's so commonplace in our society that growing up, I thought little of it if a relative or friend's parents got divorced. In recent years, I've heard it described multiple times as like a death and that analogy best defines my experience as well. During this tumultuous journey, there's been excruciating physical, emotional and spiritual pain. Even though, I believe, it was the right decision for me, I have nothing good to say about divorce. It was heart-wrenching.
On that Monday, I weighed myself and gained a couple pounds. Unfortunately, I knew it wasn't muscle. My "drug" of choice became sugar; cookies, candy, hot cocoa and lattes. Ugh! I was determined to start a cleanse or 21 day fast again. My allergies were also bad that weekend or it could've been a cold or even a combo. I was stressed out while gathering information for pretrial and the anger towards my ex continued to fester. That day, I talked to lawyer #1 for my divorce and lawyer #2 for my car accident. I don't think I ever talked to a single lawyer my whole entire life and now, I'm working with two. Over the weekend, multiple people called out of the blue; my best friend from high school, another friend from high school, a friend from treatment and my auntie. God doesn't allow me to isolate for too long and I appreciated the nudges He gave people to call or write me when I was feeling extremely low. I was also very grateful to my friends and auntie who provided comfort while I experienced this chaos. I was trying my best not to numb this time around while dealing with immense grief and loss from the death of a marriage.
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